


When the Nightmares Came

by Kerry_0506



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Pre-Slash, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 07:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4512522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kerry_0506/pseuds/Kerry_0506
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Contains spoilers for Rogue Nation) After returning from London, Benji plans to hide away and get past his ordeal alone. Ethan has other intentions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the Nightmares Came

**Author's Note:**

> So I've not written anything for a very long time (got sucked in by my roleplay blog for Benji haha) but this is my contribution to the growing Benji/Ethan ship. It's great to see more and more people shipping them! I hope you enjoy, anyway.

Home sweet home. 

That's what they said, right? In the movies or television, whenever someone would walk into their home after a vacation or business trip, there was always that sense of relief, comfort. Safety. 

He usually felt a small sense of that when he returned home from a mission, the tougher the job the stronger the sensation. But this time was different. This time was the most overwhelming force caused by sheer relief to be alive that it almost had his legs giving out at the door of his apartment. But he held it together until he was inside - didn't want Irene next door seeing him, she worried about him enough as it was. Shutting the door behind him with a sigh, he all but flung his go-bag onto the ground, shrugging off his jacket and toeing off his sneakers. 

Normally, after a routine mission, his first move was to grab a beer from the fridge. But this time, he had no desire. He simply dropped to the sofa, leant forwards with his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands, trying to shove down the awful feelings that fought their way throughout his entire being. Ever since he ran from that restaurant after Lane let him go he had felt the overwhelming urge to break down, to let his fears of what had happened take over. He had wanted to just find a quiet spot and let it all out, but he had still been working, he had a job to do. And like any decent agent, he would do it without letting his feelings get in the way. And that was exactly what he had done. He regained his composure and called Brandt, focusing on the situation at hand. Then, after they had captured Lane and handed him over to the authorities, he found himself being debriefed and questioned, forced to relive everything that had happened and justify his actions. He had no time to really reflect and come to terms with just how close he had come to dying and he knew that wasn't good. 

But now he was home, safe. Not from the images, no. They would no doubt visit him frequently each night, just as they had after Cobalt. But after their meeting in Seattle, after he had found himself shut down for discussing these cold sweats, he decided that the best way to deal with these kind of things was alone. He wouldn't bother his teammates with these things, besides, after this mission they all had enough on their plates. Luther rejoining the IMF, Brandt helping rebuild the IMF alongside Hunley and Ethan... Well, Ethan just needed his space. Benji would not bother him, despite wanting nothing more than to be close to him. He had been fighting down his feelings for Ethan for quite some time, now, under the strong assumption that any caring on the other's part was merely platonic, a strong love for their friendship. And Benji had been fine with that, respecting his friendship with Ethan far more than his desire to be with him that way. But then Vienna happened. And Morocco. And everything he felt for Ethan came rushing forwards. As he looked down at Ethan's barely alive form on the cold ground, hearing him say his name not as a question but as if checking that his memory still worked. Benji had almost lost him and it was a lot to take in. Then to go through what they did in London, the bomb stopping at less than one second, he just could not focus on anything clearly. 

Just when he thought that he would be able to take time to himself, relax, there was a loud knock on his door. 

_Seriously?_ He let out a sigh and stood up, walking around the back of his sofa and crossing the room to his front door. A quick glance through the peep hole revealed a familiar face and his stomach began to twist and turn, a mixture of too many feelings hitting him all at once. Undoing the bolt, he turned the handle and pulled open the door, looking at the man in front of him. 

"Ethan?" 

"Hey Benji." Ethan gave Benji a small smile where he stood, hands shoved into the pockets of his leather jacket. It took Benji a few moments to snap out of some self-induced trance before he finally stepped aside to let Ethan in. The older agent entered the apartment, hearing Benji shut the door behind him, and turned to face him. "You know, I really expected a little more mess considering your desk at work." he commented, glad to see that it drew a smile out of his teammate. 

"Yeah, well, I have an appearance to keep up, don't I?" Benji replied, moving to the kitchen. "Drink?" 

"Benji..."

"Water? Beer? Something stronger? I'm pretty sure I've got some-"

"Benji."

"I don't need to talk about it, Ethan, ok? I just..." the blond placed his hands on the kitchen counter, shoulders slumping a little as he gave Ethan his back. "I just need to forget." 

Ethan watched Benji closely, taking in the way he stood, the sound of his breathing. Benji was far from ok and he knew that he clearly intended to deal with it alone. Ethan remembered Seattle, remembered wanting to chase Benji up about the nightmares but by the time he had been able to, it would have been ripping open old wounds so he had let it be. But not this time. He wouldn't let Benji be alone this time. 

He couldn't. 

One foot in front of the other, Ethan crossed the apartment until he was standing behind the other agent, placing a hand on his shoulder to feel that he was trembling. 

"Benji, talk to me. Please." Ethan's voice was soft, soothing and he let the thumb of his hand trace a line up and down the skin peeking from under the collar of Benji's shirt. "I heard you on the jet." He felt Benji tense a little at that. 

"It was nothing."

"It didn't sound like nothing, Benji. It was the same as after Cobalt, wasn't it? The nightmares."

Benji spun around and tried to move. "I said I didn't want to talk abou-" He froze when he felt a hand gently wrap around one wrist and he realised just how close Ethan was standing. His breathing was shaky as he looked into Ethan's eyes, tears welling up in his own. He had never broken down in front of his team before, none of them had ever seen him cry. But now, he could not stop his emotions from showing. "I shouldn't be having nightmares, Ethan. I shouldn't. I'm not a rookie anymore and I'm certainly not a child. This isn't how it's supposed to go." 

"Hey. It's perfectly normal to have nightmares, especially after what you just went through." Ethan's hand let go of Benji's wrist as he spoke. "To tell you the truth, I have nightmares more often than you realise." 

"You?" Benji replied, sniffling a little as a tear escaped his left eye, rolling down his cheek with a wet, warm trail. 

"Yes, me. About my old team, about Julia, about the countless times I've come close to seeing the world dissolve into chaos... And of you." Ethan reached up with one hand to wipe the tear from Benji's cheek, a sad smile on his face at Benji's shocked expression. "Benji, I almost lost you out there. I've already felt the pain of losing someone I love and the idea of going through that again, I couldn't do it." Ethan did not give Benji chance to respond to his use of the word 'love' before going on. "He had you, Benji. He had you and I would do anything to stop him from killing you. I keep thinking about Vienna, when I allowed you to see what I was working on. I should have pushed you harder to leave, but a selfish part of me wanted you there with me. I trusted you more than anyone else and I let that trust put you in danger."

"Ethan, none of this was your fault." Benji interrupted, shaking his head as he relaxed back against the kitchen counter. "You couldn't have known Lane would do that, none of us could. He was unpredictable. Nothing about this mission was routine, Ethan, but I helped you because I wasn't going to let you face him alone. Like I said in Vienna, I knew the risk of helping you and I would make the same decision over and over if I had to." Ethan looked at Benji with an unreadable expression before leaning forwards, resting his forehead against the younger man's. 

"They'll pass, Benji." he whispered, letting one hand link with Benji's, giving a gentle squeeze. 

"I know they will. I'm just not looking forward to the process of reaching that point." Benji's voice was deflated, the sound of a man resigned to the fact that he would get very little sleep in the following days. 

"I could stick around if you'd like." Ethan offered. "Sleep out here on the sofa, be here if you need me." Benji blinked a few times at the suggestion, taken aback by the fact that Ethan, currently standing oh so close and holding his hand, was willing to sleep at his apartment to comfort him should he need it. 

"Ethan... You don't have to do that." he replied, but Ethan pressed a fingertip to Benji's lips, silencing him. 

"I know I don't. But I want to." A moment of silence passed between them, capturing them both as they locked their gazes. A knowing look shared between two men who had faced hell itself together yet come out on top. Two men who cared for each other more than they ever planned to. And before Benji could stop himself, a moment of vulnerability had him leaning forwards and pressing his lips against Ethan's. A small part of him was worried, scared that he was screwing things up and just as quickly as he had initiated it, he was pulling back, looking to the side. 

"Shit..." he breathed, avoiding Ethan's eyes. "I'm sorry... That was... stupid." For a moment, there was no response and Benji was ready to walk away, kick himself for being so idiotic, but then Ethan's calloused hand was gripping his chin and turning him to face him. The technician was shaking a little, breathing shallow and rapid as he searched Ethan's face for some sign, some response. It took a few moments of concern but then, there it was. A tiny twitch of his lips into a smile before the gap between them was closed once more. 

Maybe it was the adrenaline wearing off, maybe it was just a spur of the moment act. They had both almost died more than once on this job, it was natural to do things one normally would not do. But this felt different. This was something more than that.

"Ethan..." Benji pulled away and looked at the other man, cheeks a little flushed. 

"Yes, Benji. This is real." Ethan replied, placing a hand on Benji's shoulder, just like he had that night in London. "Come on. You should get some sleep." Ethan used the hand on his friend's shoulder to guide him towards the bedroom, but Benji stopped him. 

"Ethan? Can I ask a favour?" Benji asked, voice gentle and almost vulnerable. Ethan nodded, looking to Benji for direction. 

Only a few moments later, t-shirts and jeans were folded nicely on the chair and the two lay in Benji's bed, Ethan's arms wrapped around Benji protectively and Benji knew that this time, when the nightmares came, he would be alright.


End file.
